The ability to walk away

I am just realizing what a whirlwind the past few months have been. I am emotionally and mentally exhausted. Even though I had a forced week away from poker last week I still have not recovered mentally from the grind of the past few months. Playing poker, working non-stop, and learning to balance these things with raising my son and spending time with family.

At first my game was not suffering even though other parts of my life have been. Lately the grind has started to get to me and I am recognizing that there are times when it is best to walk away. To take a break. To let my mind rest and regather itself. Part of me wants to grind it out. Keep going. But I know this is a sign of tilt. Usually a short term tilt when I am tired after a graveyard shift. I want to recoup my losses. Battle back and get even. Sometimes it works out but usually it just leads to bigger losses. Today though I am seeing these symptoms on a daily basis. I am experiencing a life tilt. And it is affecting more than just my poker game. It is affecting the way I deal with everything I am doing. Especially my relationships with family and friends. I have always prided myself on my ability to balance the things that are important to me. Lately I have been finding it more difficult than usual to find that balance.

I am not saying I am walking away from poker. Quite the contrary. I still expect to be going Supernova sometime in late summer. But I want to walk away from letting it consume my emotions. From letting it consume my time.
Part of the problem I think is the realization of pressure from the fact that I may be required to withdraw a portion of my bankroll every month while still trying to grow it. The fact that I need to make a certain amount every month....I guess it is just another step on my poker journey. The fact that I am on the verge of being a dare I say it, a semi-pro. It is a bit more pressure on my game than I have been used too. And as much as I did not think it would affect me....it has. My ability to just walk away at any time has been replaced by... you can walk away if....I get all my other ducks in a row. It adds pressure, but why? I have had no plans to stop playing or to play a lot less. But maybe the pressure comes from the thinking when I wake up in the morning, Hey man, you better put some hours in....you better gets some fpps. Sigh. How can I walk away from that. How can I keep the game enjoyable?

I will be working for the next week straight so that will limit my playing opportunities but maybe this is the opportunity to get my mind rested. To let the worries fade. To reenergize, to refocus, to reorganize my life in general. Then maybe there won't be any reasons to just..walk away.