"The mind that is anxious about future events is miserable."- Seneca
I am not miserable but the wait to see what my fate is has been nothing short of torture. My future at the mill has literally been up in the air for over a month now. I will find out later this week if I actually have a job in the chem lab or not. At home, we await confirmation of epic proportions that will literally shake our world. We are stressed!
Today I was pretty tired and to be honest I am pretty brain-dead too. That adds to the stress factor. Being at work today was awful. There is so much anxst and alot of animosity and bullshit galore. The last part isn't new but it is getting a bit much now that I know I will no longer be working in the department I am in right now. What's making it worse is that because I still do not know if I have a job or not I am unable to speak my mind without potentially really looking like an asshole. How can I make any speeches when I have no idea what side of the fence I am going to end up on. Not only that but I might stay over senior guys many of whom I have worked very closely with for over 5 years. Then again, I very well might not. I am in a very crappy position of having to pretty much keep my mouth shut and be vague. I really am ok with losing my job but if I don't I will come off looking like a real jerk if I've been going on about the guys should just suck it up and move on. Then I stay and they go. Yeah, asshole much! But if I end up going I hope I have time to say my peace. Like I say the past couple weeks have been the shits on the work front.
At home the potential for excitement or disappointment is even greater if that is possible.
Two huge outcomes are about to be revealed in our lives that are going to impact everything and the wait is brutal. Today was a fairly bad day as I felt the weight getting to me somewhat. My hope is tomorrow, feeling rested, I will be able to face the challenge of keeping my mind straight and focused on the opportunites of whatever comes.
Today I was pretty tired and to be honest I am pretty brain-dead too. That adds to the stress factor. Being at work today was awful. There is so much anxst and alot of animosity and bullshit galore. The last part isn't new but it is getting a bit much now that I know I will no longer be working in the department I am in right now. What's making it worse is that because I still do not know if I have a job or not I am unable to speak my mind without potentially really looking like an asshole. How can I make any speeches when I have no idea what side of the fence I am going to end up on. Not only that but I might stay over senior guys many of whom I have worked very closely with for over 5 years. Then again, I very well might not. I am in a very crappy position of having to pretty much keep my mouth shut and be vague. I really am ok with losing my job but if I don't I will come off looking like a real jerk if I've been going on about the guys should just suck it up and move on. Then I stay and they go. Yeah, asshole much! But if I end up going I hope I have time to say my peace. Like I say the past couple weeks have been the shits on the work front.
At home the potential for excitement or disappointment is even greater if that is possible.
Two huge outcomes are about to be revealed in our lives that are going to impact everything and the wait is brutal. Today was a fairly bad day as I felt the weight getting to me somewhat. My hope is tomorrow, feeling rested, I will be able to face the challenge of keeping my mind straight and focused on the opportunites of whatever comes.
posted by DonJ at 10:48 PM
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